Can your relationship survive an affair? Take the quiz

    Couples therapist & Affair recovery specialist

    If infidelity, conflict or emotional disconnection has shaken your relationship, you don't need generic counselling. You need structured, specialist couples therapy that helps you decide whether to repair, rebuild, or part with clarity.

    In-person in Yorkshire. Online worldwide.

    Book a free 15-minute clarity call
    Shan Merchant - Couples Therapist
    BBC
    Stylist
    The Guardian
    Metro
    LA Weekly
    "The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life."
    FOR COUPLES REELING FROM INFIDELITY

    An affair ends the old relationship. The only question now is whether it ends everything.

    An affair blows up the old relationship. There's no putting it back the way it was — and you shouldn't try. The real question is whether this crisis becomes the end, or starts something more honest, connected and alive.

    I help couples recover after infidelity with a structured, compassionate approach that balances accountability with repair. We work on rebuilding trust step by step - not by forgetting what happened but facing it with courage, truth, and practical tools that create emotional safety again.

    FOR COUPLES WHO CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME THEY LAUGHED, TOUCHED, OR FELT LIKE A TEAM

    Why you keep fighting the same fight

    It's rarely about the dishes, the sex, or who left the socks on the floor. The real problem is the "stance–stance–dance" pattern underneath.

    A stance is what you do when you feel threatened — your automatic way of protecting yourself. When your stance meets your partner's, you lock into a dance that takes over.

    One of the most common? Some flavour of "Pursue–withdraw". The harder you push, the faster they retreat. Round and round you go until you're both exhausted and miles apart.

    I won't let your pattern run the show.

    My role is to name it clearly, show you the consequences of staying stuck, and coach you in new moves that rebuild trust and intimacy. You want closeness? You've got to earn it – by doing something different. That's the work.

    To see if we're a good fit to work together, book a free 15-minute consultation with me today.

    Couple in conflict during therapy session

    Most couples therapy doesn't work.

    Too much talk. Not enough change. Most couples therapy lets you "explore your feelings" for months while the same fights keep happening. Insight might feel productive — but it isn't the same as change.

    You don't fix a relationship by understanding the problem. You fix it by learning to do things differently — and practising until safety and trust actually return. That's why I use the Imago Therapy technique. Not for talk. For real change.

    Want to see if we're a good fit?

    Book a consultation

    Why work with me instead of "just any" couples therapist?

    It's an open secret amongst therapists that most are trained for individual work and then "add couples." I don't. I'm a specialist couples therapist focused on affair recovery and trust repair. You won't get polite conversations and guesswork – you'll get a clear, structured process, direct leadership, and practical steps that change what happens between you.

    Imago Relationship Therapy — where change actually happens

    I use Imago Relationship Therapy, a structured, internationally recognised approach that turns conflict into connection. Instead of fighting to be heard you'll learn to listen in a way that heals. We move beyond blame and defensiveness into understanding, empathy, and practical repair. It's not theory - it's a method you can take home and use every day.

    What working with me looks like

    Step 1

    Stabilise the crisis

    Stop the bleeding after an affair or major rupture.

    Step 2

    Name the pattern

    Understand the cycle driving you apart.

    Step 3

    Rebuild trust & connection

    Structured tools & daily actions that create safety, intimacy & a relationship you both happily choose.

    You don't have to take my word for it

    Therapy is private. That's one reason many couples don't want their name attached to a public review explaining that their relationship survived an affair or that they came close to separating.

    Where clients have chosen to share their experience anonymously, those stories can help you understand what the work actually feels like rather than relying on polished claims about what therapy is supposed to do.

    Read My Clients' Testimonials
    BBC Points of View - Shan Merchant, Couples Therapist

    As seen on BBC Points of View

    The BBC asked me to review Series 4 of 'Couples Therapy' on Points of View. It's one of the few shows that lets people see what real therapy actually looks like — the vulnerability, the difficulty, and what it takes to come back together.

    WATCH ON iPlayer

    Read my LA Weekly interview & profile.

    I was honoured to be listed in as one of LA Weekly's '10 Dating and Relationship Experts To Watch'. Read the article to find out:

    • Why couples therapy is the hardest type of therapy to be in
    • When and why couples usually decide to come to me
    • Why most couples will never dare address the Power Struggle in their relationship and therefore never get the kind of peace, affection, commitment and Real Love they really want from their partner
    Read the article
    LA Weekly magazine feature
    Brainz Magazine Valentine's cover story featuring Shan Merchant

    Valentine's cover story

    Too many of us are putting up with sub-standard, painful relationships

    I enjoyed talking to Brainz Magazine about why most relationships hit a wall — and what the "Power Struggle" stage actually means for your future together.

    Read the feature

    How can a loving relationship transform your entire life?

    In this podcast episode, I explore how working on the quality of our intimate relationship can shape everything in our life — from our mental health and career success to our physical wellbeing and sense of purpose.

    Listen on Spotify
    Brainz Podcast featuring Shan Merchant

    Frequently asked questions

    Your relationship won't change by repeating the same moves

    If the two of you keep returning to the same fight, the same distance or the same unanswered questions, waiting usually doesn't create a new pattern. Doing something different can. Whether you're trying to understand what happens after an affair, wondering if trust can return, or simply exhausted by the way you now relate to each other, we can start by looking clearly at where you are.

    You don't have to know where the relationship will end up before you begin. You just need to be willing to find out what becomes possible when the pattern stops making the decisions for you.