Does couples therapy work?

It works if you're both committed to making it work. Many of us are sold a story about love that simply isn't true. Love is not a destination that you arrive at. And it's not a prize that you win. Love is a daily practice. It involves compromise on both sides. It involves listening – really listening – to what your partner needs, and becoming a team.

What happens on the free 15-minute call?

It's a short, friendly conversation, not a therapy session. I'll ask you both what's important for me to know about what you're struggling with in your relationship, at a high level, so I can hear each of your perspectives. You can ask me any questions you have, and I'll explain how I work and how I can help, so you can decide whether working together feels right.

Do you work in person or online?

Both. In person I see couples at my therapy room in Otley, West Yorkshire, Monday to Friday during the day, and in Harrogate on Saturday mornings. Online sessions run on Zoom during the day and in the evenings, Monday to Friday, so couples anywhere in the UK or abroad can meet me. Sessions are weekly or fortnightly.

Who is this not right for?

If you're looking for a quick fix or a sticking plaster, I'm probably not the right therapist. If you're not willing to examine your own contribution to your relationship dynamic, then nothing will change. I work with couples who want a fundamental, lasting change in how they relate to each other. That takes commitment from both of you.

Couples Therapist & Affair Recovery Specialist in Yorkshire & Online

If infidelity, conflict or emotional disconnection has shaken your relationship, you don't need generic counselling. You need structured, specialist couples therapy that helps you decide whether to repair, rebuild, or part with clarity.

In person in Yorkshire on weekdays. Online during the day and in the evenings, worldwide.

Book a free 15-minute clarity call

"The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life."

I'm Shan Merchant, a UKCP-accredited couples counsellor and Advanced Imago Relationship Therapist. Couples travel to see me from Leeds, Harrogate, York and across Yorkshire, and I also work online, helping couples rebuild trust after affairs and reconnect.

FOR COUPLES REELING FROM INFIDELITY

An affair ends the old relationship. The only question now is whether it ends everything.

An affair blows up the old relationship. There's no putting it back the way it was — and you shouldn't try. The real question is whether this crisis becomes the end, or starts something more honest, connected and alive.

I help couples recover after infidelity with a structured, compassionate approach that balances accountability with repair. We work on rebuilding trust step by step - not by forgetting what happened but facing it with courage, truth, and practical tools that create emotional safety again.

BOOK A FREE CALL LEARN ABOUT AFFAIR RECOVERY

FOR COUPLES WHO CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME THEY LAUGHED, TOUCHED, OR FELT LIKE A TEAM

Why you keep fighting the same fight

It's rarely about the dishes, the sex, or who left the socks on the floor. The real problem is the "stance–stance–dance" pattern underneath.

A stance is what you do when you feel threatened — your automatic way of protecting yourself. When your stance meets your partner's, you lock into a dance that takes over.

One of the most common? Some flavour of "Pursue–withdraw". The harder you push, the faster they retreat. Round and round you go until you're both exhausted and miles apart.

I won't let your pattern run the show.

My role is to name it clearly, show you the consequences of staying stuck, and coach you in new moves that rebuild trust and intimacy. You want closeness? You've got to earn it – by doing something different. That's the work.

To see if we're a good fit to work together, book a free 15-minute consultation with me today.

Couple in conflict during therapy session

Most couples therapy doesn't work.

Too much talk. Not enough change. Most couples therapy lets you "explore your feelings" for months while the same fights keep happening. Insight might feel productive — but it isn't the same as change.

You don't fix a relationship by understanding the problem. You fix it by learning to do things differently — and practising until safety and trust actually return. That's why I use the Imago Therapy technique. Not for talk. For real change.

Want to see if we're a good fit?

Book a consultation

Why work with me instead of "just any" couples therapist?

It's an open secret amongst therapists that most are trained for individual work and then "add couples." I don't. I'm a specialist couples therapist focused on affair recovery and trust repair. You won't get polite conversations and guesswork – you'll get a clear, structured process, direct leadership, and practical steps that change what happens between you.

Imago Relationship Therapy — where change actually happens

I use Imago Relationship Therapy, a structured, internationally recognised approach that turns conflict into connection. Instead of fighting to be heard you'll learn to listen in a way that heals. We move beyond blame and defensiveness into understanding, empathy, and practical repair. It's not theory - it's a method you can take home and use every day.

LEARN ABOUT MY APPROACH ABOUT IMAGO THERAPY

What working with me looks like

Stabilise the crisis

Stop the bleeding after an affair or major rupture.

Name the pattern

Understand the cycle driving you apart.

Rebuild trust & connection

Structured tools & daily actions that create safety, intimacy & a relationship you both happily choose.

You don't have to take my word for it

Shared with permission. Names kept private.

“When all hope was lost and I mean all, with Shans help and guidance we have been able to reconnect and be stronger than we ever have been.”
— T & E, UK
“We are now in the best place that we have ever been in our relationship and will always be grateful for the support that Shan provided us.”
— Anon
“Shan has been an amazing guide through a desperate time.”
— A+B, UK

Read All 45 Testimonials

BBC Points of View - Shan Merchant, Couples Therapist

As seen on BBC Points of View

The BBC asked me to review Series 4 of 'Couples Therapy' on Points of View. It's one of the few shows that lets people see what real therapy actually looks like — the vulnerability, the difficulty, and what it takes to come back together.

WATCH ON iPlayer

Read my LA Weekly interview & profile.

I was honoured to be listed in as one of LA Weekly's '10 Dating and Relationship Experts To Watch'. Read the article to find out:

Why couples therapy is the hardest type of therapy to be in
When and why couples usually decide to come to me
Why most couples will never dare address the Power Struggle in their relationship and therefore never get the kind of peace, affection, commitment and Real Love they really want from their partner

Read the article

Valentine's cover story

Too many of us are putting up with sub-standard, painful relationships

I enjoyed talking to Brainz Magazine about why most relationships hit a wall — and what the "Power Struggle" stage actually means for your future together.

Read the feature

How can a loving relationship transform your entire life?

In this podcast episode, I explore how working on the quality of our intimate relationship can shape everything in our life — from our mental health and career success to our physical wellbeing and sense of purpose.

Listen on Spotify

Frequently asked questions

Insights from the couples therapy room

How to Heal From Betrayal: Emotional Recovery After an Affair or Infidelity

When an affair blows your world apart, your reality is shattered. Advice to heal from betrayal from a UKCP-accredited couples therapist. Book a free call →

November 24, 2024

The Role of Technology in Modern Affairs: How to Set Healthy Boundaries in the Digital Age

Explore how technology can impact modern relationships and contribute to infidelity. Learn to identify red flags and set healthy boundaries to safeguard your connection in the digital age.

November 24, 2024

Infidelity and Children: How to Navigate Family Dynamics After an Affair

Learn how to navigate family dynamics after infidelity with sensitivity and care. Discover strategies for honest communication, co-parenting, and rebuilding trust to protect your children’s well-being.

November 24, 2024

View all articles

Your relationship won't change by repeating the same moves

If the two of you keep returning to the same fight, the same distance or the same unanswered questions, waiting usually doesn't create a new pattern. Doing something different can. Whether you're trying to understand what happens after an affair, wondering if trust can return, or simply exhausted by the way you now relate to each other, we can start by looking clearly at where you are.

You don't have to know where the relationship will end up before you begin. You just need to be willing to find out what becomes possible when the pattern stops making the decisions for you.

Call 07830 343211 Email Shan