What makes working with me different?
I don't work the way most couples therapists do.
1. I'm a couples therapist and a coach and I work in a very precise and concise way towards a clear goal.
For many couples in traditional couples therapy, you can find yourself coming to sessions week after week, not really knowing what you're working on, how long it's going to take, how much it's going to cost you – and you don't even know if it's going to work for you!
I take a different approach.
When you sign up to work with me, there's a clear goal, a clear path, and a suggested, finite time and financial commitment. We track your progress so you can see how our work together is improving your relationship over time and I keep you accountable to becoming the best version of yourselves.
2. I'll teach you practical communication and relationship skills you can start using at home immediately.
Many couples tell me they struggle to communicate. Conflicts spiral out of control or remain unresolved, leaving them feeling criticised, blamed or misunderstood. Difficult topics are frequently avoided due to the fear of starting an argument.
I'll teach you how to communicate so you feel heard and understood. You'll learn to discuss your issues calmly and constructively, helping you feel happy and connected again.
Discover the Imago method taking couples from the brink of divorce to peaceful, reconnected and unafraid of conflict
Imago is a radically different way of doing couples therapy because it teaches you how to talk to each other in a way that you actually listen.
It's for couples who are struggling with:
– bickering and fighting
- no emotional closeness
– blaming and criticising
– a lack of trust, or infidelity
– a lack of warmth and understanding
- you've stopped having sex
– the love feels like it's gone.
Couples that work with me get the best results because:
- I'll help you quickly understand what's not working in your relationship - what your core issues are – and we will work together on resolving these.
- I'll teach you new and effective communication skills so that can safely start talking through the hot topics in your relationship - these are the topics you struggle to talk about calmly with each other at home.
- In each session I coach you on how to implement your new communication skills so that you can apply what you've learned with me at home.
- I'm on your team! Each session I'll guide you on how to return positivity and safety into your relationship. Positivity is the day-to-day feeling you'll start to notice in your relationship, and connection between you is only possible if there is safety there first.
- In our work you get a mix of couples therapy and coaching which accelerates your progress.
- There's accountability because I track your progress from Session 1 and if you get stuck in any areas we look at what is getting in the way so you make the progress you both want.
- Did you know emotional safety is the missing ingredient in your arguments?
- When you don't have emotional safety you'll get defensive and won't be able to hear your partner out. You also won't want to connect with them. That makes sense; it's only human to want to protect yourself when you're feeling attacked.
- Imago therapy gives you a way to have safe conversations, lower your defences and get to the core of your issues so you can feel loved and connected again.
'How do we know this is going to work for us?'
Sadly, many couples who go to conventional therapy drop out, saying...
"Couples therapy didn't work for us."
These couples either struggle on together unhappily for years (or decades), or they have an affair, or file for divorce.
However, the actual problem was that in conventional couples therapy there's often a lack of clarity, direction and safety.
What actually happened:
- The therapy method didn't create enough safety so you could do the work you needed to do to bring you back into connection.
In Imago therapy the main relationship tool we use is called the Imago "dialogue". This is a safe way to talk to each other that is different to conversation because you learn to take turns talking, not interrupting, and practising active listening.
Once you stop experiencing your partner as a threat, you can then start to let in their perspective and allow yourself to be moved by it. This fosters understanding and connection.
- You didn't come consistently. Couples therapy doesn't work if you don't come! As the work progresses, there can be challenging moments and it's easy to avoid them by cancelling and not coming consistently, and then saying: "it's not working."Missing sessions leads to stalled progress and avoidance of difficult issues. This way nothing gets solved.
- Many couples therapists are generalists and haven't specifically trained to work with couples or don't have much experience working with couples. Working with couples is completely different to working with individuals and requires specialised training. I have trained to an advanced level in Imago Couples therapy and over 95% of my practice is with couples. You can read testimonials from the couples I have worked with here.
- Clear goals weren't set so that you knew exactly where you were in the therapy process, where you wanted to go, and what you needed to do to get there.
- Some couples come to couples therapy expecting their therapist to be a referee. They want to present their sides, and hope the therapist will decide who's right and who's wrong. But here's the deal: Therapy isn't a courtroom where we pick a winner. Therapy is about understanding that both of you have valid perspectives and learning listen to these in a totally new way so that you are moved by each other's perspective.
With the right tools and clear goals to work towards you can get the positivity, safety and connection back in your relationship.
