Can your relationship survive an affair? Take the quiz

    shan@shanmerchant.com+44 7830 343211

    Couples Therapy in Yorkshire & Online for Relationships That Need Something to Change

    If something in your relationship feels urgent, painful or uncertain, you don't need generic counselling. My couples therapy in Yorkshire and Online is for couples dealing with repeated conflict, emotional disconnection, broken trust or an affair, with structured support that helps you understand what is happening between you and start doing something different.

    BOOK A FREE 15-MINUTE CALL
    Shan Merchant - Couples Therapist

    As seen in

    BBC
    Stylist
    The Guardian
    Metro
    LA Weekly

    A Different Way to Have the Conversation

    Most people aren't looking for any therapist. They're looking for someone who understands what's really happening between them, and who can help them change it in a way that feels safe and lasting.

    As featured in The Guardian, BBC, Stylist and Metro.co.uk, I'm a UKCP-accredited specialist couples therapist offering couples therapy, couples counselling and relationship counselling in person in Yorkshire and online across the UK and worldwide.

    A couple in conflict, arguing at home

    What Couples Really Mean When They Ask for Help

    Geography matters, but it is rarely the whole question. What you're really trying to work out is whether this person understands the problem you're bringing and whether you'll both be able to talk honestly enough for something to change.

    • •I want help that actually works.
    • •I need to feel safe talking about what's really going on
    • •I don't want to be blamed, fixed or judged
    • •I want to know if this is the right kind of support for us

    You don't need to arrive knowing which type of therapy you need. You just need to be able to tell me where the two of you are stuck.

    Signs You May Recognise

    Most couples don't stop communicating when things go wrong. What changes is how safe it feels to be open, vulnerable, and emotionally present.

    The same arguments repeating, even when you've agreed 'this time will be different'

    Discussions escalating quickly into criticism or shutdown

    Affection, warmth, or sexual connection fading

    Feeling misunderstood or emotionally unsafe

    One partner pursuing while the other withdraws

    Trust damaged by secrecy, emotional distance, or an affair

    Parenting, work, or life pressures pulling you apart

    Living parallel lives under the same roof

    Feeling lonelier inside the relationship than outside it

    Staying together while privately questioning the future

    When the Same Problems Keep Coming Back

    There doesn't have to have been one dramatic event for a relationship to be in trouble. Sometimes you've spent years having slightly different versions of the same fight. Sometimes one of you pushes for answers while the other shuts down. Sometimes you've simply looked at each other and realised you haven't felt like a team for a very long time.

    Couples therapy focuses on the pattern underneath all of that. We look at what happens between you when things become difficult, how each of you responds when you feel hurt or threatened, and what keeps pulling you back into the same cycle.

    You don't need to arrive knowing exactly what is wrong with the relationship. You only need to know that the way things are working now isn't working well enough. From there, we can start making sense of the pattern and changing what happens next.

    View What I Offer
    A woman upset while her partner sits apart on the bed
    Two people holding hands in support

    Why Emotional Safety Matters

    Effective couples therapy isn't simply about physical closeness to a therapist. It's about creating a space where both partners can stay emotionally present during difficult conversations.

    Most couples don't stop communicating when things go wrong. What changes is how safe it feels to be open, vulnerable and emotionally present. You can talk for hours and still get nowhere when one of you is defending, attacking, pursuing or shutting down.

    The same arguments repeat, even when you've agreed "this time will be different". Affection and warmth disappear. One person pushes harder while the other retreats. Eventually you can find yourselves living parallel lives under the same roof, feeling lonelier inside the relationship than outside it.

    That isn't fixed by simply telling you to communicate better. We need to change what actually happens in the moments when communication starts to fall apart.

    Specialist Couples Therapy, Not Couples Therapy Added On

    Couples therapy isn't one of the things I do. It's what I specialise in.

    I'm a UKCP-accredited couples therapist with more than 16 years' clinical experience and an Advanced Imago Couples Therapist. I work with couples facing affairs and broken trust, relentless conflict, emotional disconnection and relationships that feel close to breaking point.

    Working with two people in distress requires a different set of skills from individual therapy. I don't sit back while you have the same argument you have at home, and I'm not there to decide who's right or wrong. I'll help you get underneath the conflict, see the relationship pattern you're caught in and understand the part you each play in keeping it going.

    Then we work on changing it.

    Learn More About Me

    In Person in Yorkshire, Online Worldwide

    I work with couples face to face in Yorkshire, with Otley as my base, and online with couples across the UK and worldwide.

    Online therapy can be a practical option when travel, work, childcare or distance make regular in-person appointments difficult. You can still do structured relationship work together without having to choose a therapist purely because they're geographically closest to you.

    If you're not sure whether online or face-to-face work would suit you better, you don't have to decide before getting in touch. We can talk about it on the free call.

    Explore Online Couples Therapy

    Frequently Asked Questions

    No. I work with couples whether you're married or not. The focus is the relationship between you and whatever has brought you to therapy.

    Yes. Affair recovery is a specialist part of my work. We focus on stabilising what has happened, rebuilding honesty and emotional safety, and understanding what repair would require rather than rushing you towards forgiveness or reconciliation. Learn about affair recovery.

    Yes. I work online with couples across the UK and worldwide as well as offering face-to-face sessions in Yorkshire.

    No. Some couples arrive knowing they want to repair the relationship. Others arrive because one or both of them genuinely don't know whether staying together is right. You can start from where you actually are.

    The free 15-minute call is a chance to briefly tell me what's happening, ask questions and see whether the way I work feels right for the two of you. You don't need to prepare a perfect explanation before you call.

    Ready to Take the Next Step?

    If you'd like to explore whether this approach is right for you, you're welcome to book a free 15-minute call. You don't need to know exactly what type of therapy you need or have already decided what happens to your relationship.

    Tell me what's happening now. We can start there.

    Call 07830 343211Email ShanBOOK A FREE 15-MINUTE CALL